When does "just a boy" become more? I'm about 2 and a half weeks away from leaving...and a big part of me is dreading getting on that plane. I wasn't expecting it to hurt this much. I'm the one about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime...twice over with grad school in Ireland next year. But I feel so...sad, alone, hurt, scared. I feel like my heart is breaking just a little bit more with each passing day. And I've gotten into a routine of crying myself to sleep almost every night. Any elder would tell me that I'm being foolish, or feeling too much over "some guy". They'd say I need to focus on me and maybe I'll meet somebody overseas. Wait...what? Focus on me...and meet somebody overseas? Am I meeting this person before or after I focus on me? (And, NEWSFLASH: Of course I'm gonna meet somebody overseas! I'll meet a lot of people overseas! Because there are people who live overseas!) But he's not just "some guy", some dime a dozen that you just pick up off the street. No, he's not god. Not perfect, he has issues just like anyone else. But somehow, without even trying, he's become so important. An essential part of my life that I'm going to miss terribly. Yes, there's always Skype, and Instant Messaging, but it's not the same. We're going to have to find a new normal. I don't regret deciding to go. And I am looking forward to teaching in France and going to school in Ireland. It's paramount to my growing into who I'm meant to be. And actually, I almost turned down going to France. It was after his encouragement that I actually decided to apply for the program. It means the world to me that he encouraged me to go, even if it meant he'd be left behind. A lesser man would not have been able to do that. I would do the same for him. Sorry for the heaviness of this post. I try to be strong about this whole thing and keep smiling, but every once and awhile I have weak moments. This is all part of my journey.
Cheers, Keely
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