I've been listening to Vienna Teng's song 'Level Up' on repeat for the past almost 24hrs (link to the song is below). Frankly speaking, the lyrics are exactly what I've been thinking, feeling, and needing to hear. It's a fantastic feeling being validated by the Universe.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4n_8R5lKnw
So many thoughts, images, emotions flowing through me these past few days. I'm getting that feeling again that I'm on the verge of something. Maybe it's just been the conversations I've been having lately, maybe I've grown again, maybe it's just that 2013 is ending and I'm filled with excited anticipation for 2014. But I take a small step back, remembering that the New Year will only bring me what I put into it. Am I ready to begin research for my PhD proposal? Am I ready to fully throw myself into the job hunting market and get that 'grown-up' job for the next 18 months? Am I ready to ease into the discomfort of feeling stuck for the next year and a half? Am I ready to make the choice to be happy everyday until my iminent departure? I'm not sure. I don't like to lump myself in with the group of people on this planet who don't venture out of their comfort zone, but sometimes I think I do find myself among them. It's just that my comfort zone doesn't remotely resemble theirs. I have no qualms about packing up and leaving my country and living in someone else's for an extended period of time, functioning on a daily basis in my second language, talking to strangers, singing in public, speaking my mind. And truthfully, if money were no object, I'd be gone in a heartbeat to go on my next adventure to god knows where, for god knows how long, without much of a backward glance. Not that I wouldn't miss my friends and family here, but frankly, not even romantic relationships have kept me home.
No, my comfort zone has nothing to do with a white picket fence, a husband, the average 2.3 children, and a stable job. I loathe feeling stuck, trapped, and painted into the corner of "should be". My heart longs for the world, the Universe, meeting new people and making connections. Sometimes, even the planet doesn't seem big enough. I grow impatient. To the point where I find myself brooding and depressed because I can't be somewhere else, with new people, or doing anything remotely adventurous or mind-blowing. But alas, here I am, stuck. It's times like these when I must remember to be grateful for what I DO have. I must realize that there is just as much adventure in the mundane. It just takes stepping back and taking a harder look at what's in front of me. Maybe trying a new food in the grocery store, actually calling a friend and hearing their voice instead of sending a text, hell even going into chat rooms on the internet (with caution of course) and meeting people quite literally on the other side of the world. Because the truth is, happiness and adventure don't only live "out there", they also live within. And in order to appreciate fully those adventures that ARE "out there", I must be able to appreciate the adventures right outside my door. This is something I knew better as a younger person. It's a lesson I seem to need to relearn always because it's something so easily forgotten for the impatient brooder I am. *Sigh* the angst of a dreamer.
But what are dreams without actions behind them? Just that, dreams. I intend to fulfill mine. So what am I actually doing in order to get to where I want to go? When I have down time, am I just sitting on social media or am I taking the time to meditate and visualize having everything I desire? Am I writing? Am I singing? Am I researching? Am I LIVING? If the answer to any of those questions is 'no', then I'm not doing my job as a human with real goals. Time to get off the treadmill and start running outside.
And look at that, I've written another blog post less than 24hrs after the last one. I'm already making progress. ASK, BELIEVE, RECEIVE (The Secret).
Carpe Diem,
Keely
Monday, December 23, 2013
Sunday, December 22, 2013
2013 in a Nutshell
Wow! I've just been reading through my last blog entry and realized that it's been over a year since that post. My life has changed dramatically since then in some areas and not much at all in others. Let me catch you up on 2013.
Naturally, I won't go into minute details, there's just too much that has happened and an unquantifiable amount of emotions have transpired to write it all down here. I'll break it all down into categories.
Location:
I'm still in the US. If I had to sum up my feelings on my location this past year into one word, it'd be 'miserable'. Now, I'm not anti-American, though I may be a disgruntled, dissatisfied citizen. Despite my rants about the government and certain famous individuals I'm liable to have, deep down I really do love my country. In fact, it's because of my love for my country that I do take the time and energy to rant about things that I think the US could be doing better.
That being said, the 'American Dream' is not for me. Despite having an image in my head of the picket fence and a stable living situation etc, I don't see myself living out my days in the good ol' U.S. of A. The American lifestyle is not my lifestyle and it's not where I want to raise my future hypothetical children. I've always known deep down that I was meant to be an expat and now, as a Twenty-something, I'm really beginning to understand what that actually means in a real sense. It means uprooting and staying gone. Not that I won't come home to visit, but I just won't be moving home. Quite a big difference that. Fortunately I seem to be meeting people who either have been expats for years or are embarking on a similar adventure, so I have people to relate to as I journey on.
That journey being moving back to Ireland in 2015 and getting my PhD. I intend (as always) to write about my experiences there when the time comes. Stay tuned.
I did move to a different city for a month and got certified to teach English as a second language, so I am now employable worldwide. Woohoo! Lot's of doors open now.
Relationships:
Everyone's favorite subject when you're in your twenties. M is out of the picture. I cut that off around the time of my birthday and haven't looked back. Hindsight is always 20/20 and when I look back at the mess that last year was in terms of that situation, I am astounded that I let myself get caught up in it. So toxic, stressful, and painful. So not worth my time and emotions. Lesson learned. Never again.
I have subsequently had a tumultuous relationship with a best friend (guy friend) that has required and still does require vigilance on both our parts to not keep making the same mistakes. I won't go into detail as to why it's a mistake for us to be together, let your imagination run wild on that one. Either way, it's not a good idea.
I have had an online fling of sorts with someone I met during my CELTA program (the ESOL thing). I was really hoping that could have turned into something. Something casual, but still something more than what it was. Oh well. Not the first time I've been disappointed.
And I have gone back into an old chat room website that I haven't been on since my Undergraduate days. A craving for the French language prompted that move. I've met some interesting people, but am not going to make a habit out of it. Lot's of creepers on there who try to seduce a young twenty-something like myself into stripping down over webcam. And by seduce I mean outright just ask 'cam?' Non merci!
In terms of relationships, these days I'm finding I have absolute zero tolerance for bullshit and I'm getting better at smelling it first before stepping in it. I also know myself better and what my deal breakers are. It's a good feeling to be firmly grounded in myself. Even though I'm still in the process (as I always will be, one never totally arrives) of my life journey, I'm really in a place of trusting my intuition and staying true to myself no matter what. Character over personality. That's my new mantra.
I'm also learning that relationships don't have to be all or nothing. It is actually possible to date someone and it not turn into anything serious or end in a horrible break up. It's ok to be fluid and transient.
Job:
Still working retail. Not sure if that was mentioned in previous posts, but I work in a women's clothing store. It's not bad, but the pay sucks and I really need to find a 'grown-up' job soon so I can actually save money for my upcoming move back to Ireland. Sadly, there aren't a lot of TESOL jobs in my area and a move overseas before moving back to Ireland just isn't feasible. So the job search continues...
Happy Holidays to all and here's to a Peaceful, and Happier 2014!
Cheers,
Keely
Naturally, I won't go into minute details, there's just too much that has happened and an unquantifiable amount of emotions have transpired to write it all down here. I'll break it all down into categories.
Location:
I'm still in the US. If I had to sum up my feelings on my location this past year into one word, it'd be 'miserable'. Now, I'm not anti-American, though I may be a disgruntled, dissatisfied citizen. Despite my rants about the government and certain famous individuals I'm liable to have, deep down I really do love my country. In fact, it's because of my love for my country that I do take the time and energy to rant about things that I think the US could be doing better.
That being said, the 'American Dream' is not for me. Despite having an image in my head of the picket fence and a stable living situation etc, I don't see myself living out my days in the good ol' U.S. of A. The American lifestyle is not my lifestyle and it's not where I want to raise my future hypothetical children. I've always known deep down that I was meant to be an expat and now, as a Twenty-something, I'm really beginning to understand what that actually means in a real sense. It means uprooting and staying gone. Not that I won't come home to visit, but I just won't be moving home. Quite a big difference that. Fortunately I seem to be meeting people who either have been expats for years or are embarking on a similar adventure, so I have people to relate to as I journey on.
That journey being moving back to Ireland in 2015 and getting my PhD. I intend (as always) to write about my experiences there when the time comes. Stay tuned.
I did move to a different city for a month and got certified to teach English as a second language, so I am now employable worldwide. Woohoo! Lot's of doors open now.
Relationships:
Everyone's favorite subject when you're in your twenties. M is out of the picture. I cut that off around the time of my birthday and haven't looked back. Hindsight is always 20/20 and when I look back at the mess that last year was in terms of that situation, I am astounded that I let myself get caught up in it. So toxic, stressful, and painful. So not worth my time and emotions. Lesson learned. Never again.
I have subsequently had a tumultuous relationship with a best friend (guy friend) that has required and still does require vigilance on both our parts to not keep making the same mistakes. I won't go into detail as to why it's a mistake for us to be together, let your imagination run wild on that one. Either way, it's not a good idea.
I have had an online fling of sorts with someone I met during my CELTA program (the ESOL thing). I was really hoping that could have turned into something. Something casual, but still something more than what it was. Oh well. Not the first time I've been disappointed.
And I have gone back into an old chat room website that I haven't been on since my Undergraduate days. A craving for the French language prompted that move. I've met some interesting people, but am not going to make a habit out of it. Lot's of creepers on there who try to seduce a young twenty-something like myself into stripping down over webcam. And by seduce I mean outright just ask 'cam?' Non merci!
In terms of relationships, these days I'm finding I have absolute zero tolerance for bullshit and I'm getting better at smelling it first before stepping in it. I also know myself better and what my deal breakers are. It's a good feeling to be firmly grounded in myself. Even though I'm still in the process (as I always will be, one never totally arrives) of my life journey, I'm really in a place of trusting my intuition and staying true to myself no matter what. Character over personality. That's my new mantra.
I'm also learning that relationships don't have to be all or nothing. It is actually possible to date someone and it not turn into anything serious or end in a horrible break up. It's ok to be fluid and transient.
Job:
Still working retail. Not sure if that was mentioned in previous posts, but I work in a women's clothing store. It's not bad, but the pay sucks and I really need to find a 'grown-up' job soon so I can actually save money for my upcoming move back to Ireland. Sadly, there aren't a lot of TESOL jobs in my area and a move overseas before moving back to Ireland just isn't feasible. So the job search continues...
Happy Holidays to all and here's to a Peaceful, and Happier 2014!
Cheers,
Keely
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)