Reflections

I've been listening to Vienna Teng's song 'Level Up' on repeat for the past almost 24hrs (link to the song is below).  Frankly speaking, the lyrics are exactly what I've been thinking, feeling, and needing to hear.  It's a fantastic feeling being validated by the Universe.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4n_8R5lKnw

So many thoughts, images, emotions flowing through me these past few days.  I'm getting that feeling again that I'm on the verge of something. Maybe it's just been the conversations I've been having lately, maybe I've grown again, maybe it's just that 2013 is ending and I'm filled with excited anticipation for 2014.  But I take a small step back, remembering that the New Year will only bring me what I put into it.  Am I ready to begin research for my PhD proposal?  Am I ready to fully throw myself into the job hunting market and get that 'grown-up' job for the next 18 months?  Am I ready to ease into the discomfort of feeling stuck for the next year and a half?  Am I ready to make the choice to be happy everyday until my iminent departure?  I'm not sure.  I don't like to lump myself in with the group of people on this planet who don't venture out of their comfort zone, but sometimes I think I do find myself among them.  It's just that my comfort zone doesn't remotely resemble theirs.  I have no qualms about packing up and leaving my country and living in someone else's for an extended period of time, functioning on a daily basis in my second language, talking to strangers, singing in public, speaking my mind.  And truthfully, if money were no object, I'd be gone in a heartbeat to go on my next adventure to god knows where, for god knows how long, without much of a backward glance.  Not that I wouldn't miss my friends and family here, but frankly, not even romantic relationships have kept me home.

No, my comfort zone has nothing to do with a white picket fence, a husband, the average 2.3 children, and a stable job.  I loathe feeling stuck, trapped, and painted into the corner of "should be".  My heart longs for the world, the Universe, meeting new people and making connections.  Sometimes, even the planet doesn't seem big enough.  I grow impatient. To the point where I find myself brooding and depressed because I can't be somewhere else, with new people, or doing anything remotely adventurous or mind-blowing.  But alas, here I am, stuck.  It's times like these when I must remember to be grateful for what I DO have.  I must realize that there is just as much adventure in the mundane.  It just takes stepping back and taking a harder look at what's in front of me.  Maybe trying a new food in the grocery store, actually calling a friend and hearing their voice instead of sending a text, hell even going into chat rooms on the internet (with caution of course) and meeting people quite literally on the other side of the world.  Because the truth is, happiness and adventure don't only live "out there", they also live within.  And in order to appreciate fully those adventures that ARE "out there", I must be able to appreciate the adventures right outside my door.  This is something I knew better as a younger person.  It's a lesson I seem to need to relearn always because it's something so easily forgotten for the impatient brooder I am.  *Sigh* the angst of a dreamer.

But what are dreams without actions behind them?  Just that, dreams. I intend to fulfill mine.  So what am I actually doing in order to get to where I want to go?  When I have down time, am I just sitting on social media or am I taking the time to meditate and visualize having everything I desire?  Am I writing?  Am I singing?  Am I researching?  Am I LIVING?  If the answer to any of those questions is 'no', then I'm not doing my job as a human with real goals.  Time to get off the treadmill and start running outside.

And look at that, I've written another blog post less than 24hrs after the last one.  I'm already making progress.  ASK, BELIEVE, RECEIVE (The Secret).

Carpe Diem,
Keely