Hey peeps!
Ok, this post is going to seem very contadictory to the previous one. Well, maybe not entirely contradictory, but definitely in some aspects. I swear I'm not fickle! (says the quintessential Gemini). It's just that life has thrown me a curveball and instead of shaking my fist at the Universe (who am I kidding, I still kind of am), I'm gonna just go with it.
A few days ago, after months of poking and prodding by my friends, I finally logged onto OKCupid and added pictures to my otherwise mostly blank profile. What could be the harm in 4 pics and maybe a couple views? Maybe a casual thing could happen with a non-creeper, right? No biggie. What am I even doing on OKCupid when I'm deadset on moving back to Cork? Well, trust me, I've asked myself the same question a thousand times. But something told me to just go for it that night. Maybe it was after the falling out with a friend of mine in Ireland that was the final straw that broke the camel's back, maybe it was just me saying "feck it, let's see what happens". Little did I know, the Universe had some ideas and plans of its own, and NOTHING could have prepared me for what happened.
I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was something along the lines of my major in grad school or my travels in Ireland and France. A far cry from this other creeper dude who was asking me if I "could take a lot" and that he "could probably handle me". Pffff handle me??? Yeah right. Good luck creeper dude who can't even form coherent sentences! Anyway, so I ended up in a legit conversation with the non-creeper. Let's call him Scorpio. So, as Scorpio and I were talking, I started to notice a couple things: 1) I was no longer paying attention to the hoard of dudes checking out my profile and leaving me messages, 2) I was actually intrigued and impressed with this guy, and 3) he was not only keeping up, but beating me (occasionally) in a battle of wits! (this NEVER happens, btw) #whoisthisguy???? Then before I knew it, HOURS had gone by and we were still mid-conversation (WHATTTT?????). We exchanged phone numbers and ended up talking for even more hours well into the wee hours of the morning (again, WHAT?????).
Here we are 5 days later and we're still up til 3 every night either texting, talking, or both (mostly both) and have covered more ground before we even went on our first date than some couples cover in a 5 year relationship! (WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!).
So where does this leave Ireland? Well, he more or less asked the same thing. Though his version was more along the lines of 'do I really want to get involved with a girl who's deadset on leaving in a year and a half?' Very valid. And normally, I probably would have been ok with that and let him back out and then switch to the idea of having made a new friend. Nope. I was legitimately bummed by that idea and trust me, no one was more surprised about that than me. So I fought for it. Yup. I did. Then proceeded to freak the hell out the next day. I was asking myself all kinds of questions. Was I really serious about the idea of postponing Ireland? I barely even know this guy and I'm already worried about missing an opportunity by losing him? Maybe I should take the safe option and just be friends...Oh god what am I doing???????!!!! What if we don't have the same chemistry in person? What if we aren't attracted to each other in person? GAHHHHHH!
But here's the crazy part, I honestly feel like I'd be a fool to pass him up. So, despite my tendency to run like hell (after fighting tooth and nail of course), I'm going to go WAAAAAAAY out of my comfort zone and see where this goes....at least see what happens on the first date.
See, the PhD in Ireland is something I definitely want to do (and will do) at some point. But Ireland isn't going anywhere. I always have that. It's something I more or less have control over. Scorpio? Not so much.
That being said, I'm scared shitless. I'm the one who doesn't let relationships "get in the way", I'm the one who galivants around the planet, I don't get tied down, trapped, or held onto. But what if deep down I do (and always have) want to be held onto? What if I just wasn't in the right relationships and not all of them entail being driven by the ego, being taken for granted, and blowing up in flames? I'm not accustomed to guys like Scorpio. The adventurous, the sweet, the sincere, the sardonic, the type who can disarm me, and the type who genuinely want to be with me and make me happy (like seriously, what?!). My god what if this actually works out???!!! I find myself in a perdicament. I'm not sure if I'm more afraid of it not working, or of it working. Note to self: when silently telling the Universe in passing, 'I need to do something that makes me uncomfortable', be ready for something to actually happen!
It seems I am cheating on Ireland and France lol. Oops.
Roll on Saturday!
Cheers,
Keely
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