Hello Folks,
I've been back in the US for a bit over two months now, am unemployed, and things with M aren't exactly honky dory. I'm optimistic that work will start in the next couple weeks. I'm in the process of becoming a substitute teacher.
I somehow managed to fall for the fantasy thing again. I keep hitting that wall and getting hurt. There is no such thing as happily ever after. At least not in terms of relationships. There is still the issue with M and my mother. It's looking like the impasse will remain until the end of time. Which means I have a lot to think about. I'm disillusioned with relationships. These days I rather enjoy my own company and freedom that the single life affords me. I even consider having a child on my own and raising it sans husband or life partner. That's not really what I want, but I would do it and still have a fulfilling life.
Things take longer in real life than they do in my head. Patience and I are not friends. Especially when I always have the option of backing out. But what would happen if I backed out? Wouldn't I just be pulled back, just like a yoyo? Most likely. Will I always be stuck between a rock and a hard place? Will I ever really have a soft place to fall outside of my friends and family? I guess I just have to wait.
~Keely
