Going Home

Well folks,  this is it.  I'm going home today.  Home for the foreseeable future after living abroad for the past two years.  I can't believe this journey is coming to a close.  I'll have the adventure of writing my MA thesis once I'm settled and over jetlag.  But this has been an amazing time in my life.  I've made lifelong friends, become fluent in my second language, taught, conquered an MA program, fulfilled my dream of living in Ireland, and most importantly, I've grown up in more ways than even I can fathom.  Leaving Ireland is the most difficult departure I've had to date.  Wow.  At the same time, I am totally at peace with coming home.  I made the right decision.  And I'm so glad to be setting foot on American soil once again and reconnecting with my roots.  

Another adventure I'll be starting soon is reconnecting with M in person.  At the moment I'm in my numb travel mode, but once I'm home and it hits me that I'll be seeing him in 2 days...Agh!!!  I dunno about that one.  On one hand it's "going that route", on the other it's "there are no guarantees".  Libras.  He wasn't online last night.  I hate not talking to him just before I get on a flight.  Especially over the ocean.  And I'm miffed because he said he would be there.  Online I mean.  Ah well.  I'll beat him in a poke war the next time I see him ;-).  The next while is going to be difficult for "us".  We both still need to be looking out for numero uno and can't really put "us" first yet.  It's going to be tough finding a balance.  I'm trying not to have any expectations.  So for now I'll just say that I'm looking forward to seeing him and being in his energy, and hopefully his arms, again.  

America, here I come!

Cheers,
Keely

My Happy Place

Greetings from Dingle, An Daingean, in Irish.  I'm in my Happy Place.  The place where I've wanted to live since I was a child.  As the bus from Killarney made its way up the rolling hills and steep mountains of the Dingle Peninsula (Corca Dhuibhne), I felt that familiar sense of 'home'.  I again had an overwhelming feeling of belonging and not wanting to leave.  Sure, I spent nearly a year in Cork, but not here, in the place I've really wanted to be.  Leaving almost feels premature.  I've barely begun to discover this land.  I again found my mind conjuring up images of me running off with Mystery Irishman, who I'd meet in a place I wasn't looking for him, somewhere I'd least expect it.  A bus driver,  boatman, a shopkeeper...I'd just be walking along or whatever, then all of a sudden, there he'd be, as if he's been waiting an eternity for me to show up...

But then, amongst the images of an Irishman and a life in the Gaeltacht with a couple kids, dogs, and horses (and some sheep!) running around, a very different image enters my mind.  Almost as if Cupid shot a missile instead of an arrow, M permeated my daydream with a force that almost made my breath catch.  As I gazed out over this rugged, yet verdant landscape, I was envisioning M here with me.  I could hear him in my head complaining about the incomprehensible Irish language, with its overuse of silent and altered consonants, the absurdity of such a place (or any place for that matter) being called 'Dingle', and the fact that we were way out in the boonies.  I rolled my eyes and shook my head, just as I would were he actually here.  What was he doing in my head?!  He's never been on my mind in Dingle before.  When I was here back in March, I was questioning going home and "us".  If anything, all thoughts of M and home had flown out the window.  I was poised and ready to run off with the next pretty-faced Kerry farmer who came along and showed an interest.  Perhaps there will always be a bit of that feeling inside me.  It's times like these when I can't shake the idea of Reincarnation.  As a witch, I believe in it.  But I also believe that sometimes the Universe moves us in different and unexpected directions.  Could these strong feelings for a place, and longing for a person who doesn't exist simply be past-life memories and not a sort of prophecy for who I'll be with in this life-time?  This seems the most likely scenario.  Or is it that I met M and fell for him first?  Or is M that person I met while not looking for anyone, going about my business, and then there he was, in a place I least expected it, as if he's been waiting an eternity for me to show up...

M stayed with me throughout the day.  I could so see us on the boat together waiting for Fungie, the dolphin, to make his appearance.  "We're on a boat!", M would be saying in a loud whisper in my ear.  Then there'd be references to other euphemisms.  I'd be in a near constant state of rolling my eyes, while simultaneously scanning the water for any sign of dolphin movement.  At Fungie's appearance, there would be a competition to see who got the better picture, and a race between my point-and-shoot camera and M's iPhone would ensue.  SNAP OUT OF IT, KEELY!  My brain cries, trying to bring me back to reality.  But I can't help it as more and more images of M and me spending time here surface.  I wander the town after the boat ride and peek into a jewelry shop.  I'm now in search of a ring to replace the one he lost.  A very different type of ring flashes through my mind for a split second.  Funny, later that night, I was talking to M and "going that route" came into the conversation.  We're still a ways off from that.  But I can't shake the feeling that we're being nudged by the Universe...Feck sake! 

To make matters even more interesting, back in September of 2010, my mother and I visited Drombeg stone circle.  At one point I was along in the center of the standing stones and I, in true Wiccan fashion, invoked the Goddess and asked her to reveal to me 'the one' I'm meant to be with when I return to the stone circle.  In July 2012 I went back there with friends of mine.  Being there, I was expecting to be confronted with not wanting to leave Ireland and to be back in a tizzy about what to do with M.  Instead, what I found there was an overwhelming sense of peace about returning home.  Sending a silent question about M out to the Universe, I almost detected a wink in my general direction...

It's pouring down rain today, and foggy.  I've yet to venture outside in this mess.  Perhaps I will later once it calms down outside.  I'm enjoying my happy place nonetheless, even if it seems I have a constant visitor in my head whilst I'm here.  

Tog go bog e,

Keely